Brad, Jack and a Hot Pocket
by Akiyama4ever
Summary: It all started on an ordinary day when all Jack wanted to do was eat his lunch...But do to unusual circumstances he's locked inside the Toros base with Brad!
1. Prolouge

It was an ordinary day at the Lighting Team base. It was about noon, and Jack decided to   
  
cook… hot pockets. He removed the plastic wrap and carefully stuck it in the microwave. He set   
  
the power to 10 and the timer to 2 min. He presses the start button and…  
  
Meanwhile on a power line near by, a hungry squirrel was foraging for food. It looked   
  
around, nothing. But then it hit him, literally. An acorn fell from the tree above, landing on   
  
the squirrel's head and then onto the power line, miraculously balancing perfectly. The squirrel   
  
was about ready to take a bite when the acorn tumbled off and…  
  
Zzzp! A shock followed by a loud squeal echoed throughout the area, and with a flash the   
  
power was out. Jack stared in horror at the microwave. With the power out, his hot pocket would   
  
never be cooked and he would never be fed. The room circled around him. If he didn't get   
  
something to eat soon he would starve! He opened all the cupboards.  
  
Nothing…nothing…ooo! A can of tuna! Wait, 1941? Jack's face turned bright green. He   
  
needed food…fast. He fell to his knees.   
  
"I…NEED…FOOD!!!!" Jack cried.  
  
"If you want food so much, why don't you eat this?" Chris threw the poor, deceased   
  
squirrel at Jack's feet.  
  
"It'll be good for you."  
  
"That's fine, ladies. I'm….gonna go find a microwave."  
  
"Suit yourself." Chris said.  
  
As Jack walked out the door he heard Kelly's voice saying, "Hey! I wonder what would happen if   
  
we poked it?" Jack increased his pace. 


	2. Day 1

At the Toros base, Brad was on the couch…flipping through channels. He heard the door   
  
open, but didn't care. He kept on flipping.   
  
"Um…Brad?"  
  
"…"  
  
"Brad?"  
  
"…"  
  
"Well, you see, the powers out at my house and I was wondering…could I use your   
  
microwave?"  
  
"…whatever." Brad said as he stopped on MTV for second to watch a girl in some very   
  
revealing clothes ehem shake her groove thing... Jack whistled and Brad looked up at him   
  
slightly annoyed.  
  
"Are you gonna use the microwave or not?"  
  
"where is everyone else?"  
  
"Who knows" Brad proceeded to flip through channels.  
  
"Give me that!" Jack cried. He attempted to grab the remote but only resulted in knocking  
  
it from Brad's hand. It went soaring through the air and fell down a conveniently placed   
  
heating vent.   
  
"Thanks a lot! Now we're stuck on this channel forever!"  
  
"Just change it manually." Jack said inserting his hot pocket into the microwave.  
  
"Take a look for yourself!" Brad pointed to the TV. There were no buttons on it   
  
whatsoever.   
  
"So we're stuck on this channel. It can't be that bad right?"  
  
Oh, but it was. As Brad and Jack soon found out, they had stumbled upon the all-porn channel.  
  
Jack had just sat down with his beloved hot pocket, finally able to eat.  
  
"So what's on?"  
  
"Dunno. Looks like a chick-flick or something…What the…?!?" Jack chocked on his hot pocket while  
  
Brad just gawked at the TV. Two guys, lying on the couch…making out?! GETTING THEIR GROVE ON?!   
  
This was gonna be a long day…  
  
After a few hours of watching "Feel Good TV" and attempting to look at each other without  
  
getting "ideas", Brad and Jack heard a knocking at the door.  
  
"Brad, open the door!"  
  
"What?!" Brad scrambled to the door. "Just use the key!"  
  
"The spare is missing!!" Jack gulped. Brad obviously heard this and turned around.  
  
"Jack…What did you do with the key?" Jack pointed to the oasis outside the window. Brad   
  
smacked his forehead.   
  
"I think it's in that pond somewhere…I just used and kinda tossed it..." Brad had to try   
  
his best to keep his cool while he relayed the message. Leena began to pound frantically on the   
  
door.  
  
The rest of the Blitz team eventually went to a hotel while they attempted to locate a   
  
locksmith to open the door. Bored, Brad and Jack were forced to watch "Feel Good" TV: The   
  
all-porn channel, which, of course, happened to be on the gay marathon... (OO)  
  
"…Hey, I wonder I can get in that position?"  
  
"…What about that one?"  
  
"Probably could. …Wanna find out?"  
  
"…What?!" 


	3. Day 2

Day 2 of torture 

Brad woke up just like any other morning, only he didn't remember going to sleep. He stretched, however his hand  hit something soft and…fleshy…

            "*yawn* Good morning, Brad. Sleep well?" Brad's eyes opened wide. He knew that voice. He looked to the side of him to see his worst nightmare: Jack Sisco… lying beside him…uh, naked? What was worse, Brad was too…

Brad screamed as he sprung to the floor in an attempt to locate his clothes.

            "Um…Brad?

            "What?!"

            "Do…you remember what happened last night?"

            "Do I want to know?"

            "I seriously don't know, but the evidence isn't very pleasing…"

Brad and Jack looked around the room, then at each other. It seemed like hours before one of them spoke. It was Jack who broke the silence.

            "So…ya wanna go get some coffee?" 

            "Sure." They finished dressing.

            "Um…Brad?"

            "What now?"

            "…those are my pants."

            "…What were they doing with the rest of my clothes!?"

            "I don't know…"

            "Agh!" Brad pounded his fist onto the bed.

Sounds from the TV were blaring even in the computer room where Brad was researching a certain cute, hard-shelled mammal.

"Hey Jack, I found your family photo album!" Jack scrambled to the computer screen in utter excitement. Then his face fell and he gave the Heero Yuy death glare ™. Brad was on the picture gallery at Dilloscape.com (a site about armadillos) Brad laughed. 

Y'know, you have your father's nose!" he said pointing to one of the pics. Jack kicked him in the shin.

Later Jack walked into the computer room where Brad was still on the PC. This time, however, playing games, namely, "You Don't Know Jack" vol. 3."

"What's this?" Jack tapped Brad's shoulder.

"…a game."

"What's it called?"

"You don't know Jack."

"No I don't."

"…baka."

"What's so great about I-…" Jack was cut off by the sound of creepy music and "It's time for the Jack attack"

            "Brad! It's out to get me! Hide me!" Jack crawled under the desk while Brad just rolled his eyes and continued playing.


	4. Day 3

(The incredibly short) Day 3 of Torture 

            "Hungry…need…food…" Jack crawled to the couch and attempted to get himself to sit on it, but he had too little energy and just collapsed on the ground.

            "Get over it…" Brad moaned. "There's not a single crumb of food left in the house. Doc was out getting groceries when YOU locked THEM out and US in!"

            "Maybe there's food in the ventilator…" Jack said ignoring Brad. He opened the door to the ventilator and what did he find? None other than the remote.

            "YES! We can finally turn off that god damned Tele- Shit! Jack, what the hell 're ya doin?!" Brad cried, but it was too late. Jack had officially devoured the only remote to the TV.

            "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ATE THE REMOTE!" Brad sighed.

            "C'mon, there has to be food somewhere…"

            "But there isn't!" And that's when Brad remembered that…extra room. The one Doc would never let them get into. Wonder what was in there…? They opened the door and looked in. Their eyes bulged in astonishment. They had come across a disco room… with a bar in the corner!! They rushed in the corner and began preparing drinks. Hey, it was something!


	5. Day 4

Day 4 of Torture 

            Jack woke up that morning, but the instant he did, he plopped back down. His head span and he felt incredibly sick. He looked around. He was lying beside Brad (who was in a similar condition) and saw they were both sprawled out on the disco room floor. 

            "…Brad?"

            "…"

            "I'm hungry."

            "…"

            "I'll eat anything…"

            "…anything?" There was no response from Jack. Brad closed his eyes and relaxed as best as he could…until he felt a breeze on the back of his neck…

            "JACK, YOU CAN'T EAT THAT!!" Brad sent Jack flying across the room and grabbed his poor, half eaten hair.

            "Eat your own hair!" Brad cried.

            "But…but…mine's too short… and besides it makes you look gay anyway." Brad steamed.

            "I MAY HAVE LONG HAIR BUT I'M PROUD OF IT!!!" Brad stomped off. 

                        That night…

            "…Brad? …I can't sleep."

            "…Lemme guess…you're hungry?"

            "..yeah…hey, what's the clicking?"

            "…I don't know…"

            "…It's not stopping Brad!!"

            "Calm down! We'll just…look for it."

            "But Brad! It keeps…clicking…and clicking…and clicking…and-"

            "Would you shut up?!?!?!" Just then they heard the clicking falter for a few seconds then start up again.

            "Okay…" Brad got up slowly. "Let's just go look for it…" He grabbed a flashlight that was just put there out of the blue for their convenience. They walked slowly down the hallway and into the kitchen. As they approached the clicking got louder…and louder…and louder…Brad began inspecting the cupboards.

            "um…Brad?"

            "Not now Jack,"

            "…Brad?" 

            "I said, not now, Jack…"

            "B-Brad?!"

            "WHAT?!"

            "L-look behind you…" Brad turned around. A shadow had appeared on the back wall. A vicious monster with vampire fangs, dripping with blood. It snarled as it slashed its giant claws…


	6. Day 5

Day 5 of Torture 

            Jack woke up in the next morning as he would almost any other morning at the Toros base: Sprawled out on the floor. Oh well, it beat waking up in bed with Brad…But wait, where was the monster? Then he saw what had been nesting on his chest…

            "Ahhhhhhhh~!" Brad however, woke up with a jolt.

            "What-whe-wh-Where's the monster?!" Brad jumped to his feet, grabbing a nearby frying pan.

            "I found food, Brad!!!" Jack cried as he chased a small, white furry creature.

            "Squeak….SQUEAK~!" cried the rat as it darted across the kitchen. Jack leapt after it, attempting to catch it with his bare hands.

            "I'll help you corner it!" Brad shouted as they chased the mouse to the corner of the room. 

            "Squeak, click, click…Squeak!" The rat begged. Jack picked it up.

            "Frying pan." Brad handed the pan to Jack. Jack lifted the pan over his head and…

            "Squeak…" The rat's eyes began to water. It looked at Jack with a merciful expression. Jack looked gently at the rat.

            "Are ya gonna kill it or not?!" Brad hit Jack on the back.

            "I…I can't do it, Brad. It's…too cute…" Jack muttered in the most sad, pathetic voice. Brad smacked his forehead and went to get something to eat.

                        *          *          *

            "Brad, be careful! You're gonna step on Mrs. Clickers!" Brad turned around.

            "What?"

            "Mrs. Clickers!"

            "Misses? How can you tell?" Brad held the rat up by its tail.

            "Ya see, Right there, it doesn't have a—"

            "I-I shouldn't have asked." Just then a squeak was heard from a distance. Brad and Jack looked around. Their eyes landed at a small hole in the wall behind the refrigerator. A male mouse was calling out. Mrs. Clickers smiled and ran into the hole, frantically squeaking and clicking.

            "NNNNNNNOOOOOoooooooo~!" Jack began to sob on Brad's shoulder.

            "S-she…was the only woman I ever truly loved…"

            "It's ok, Jack…" Brad placed his arm on Jack's shoulder. Jack snarled, shoving Brad away. 

            "Just leave me alone!" Jack cried as he ran to the bathroom and locked the door.

                                    2 hours later…

            "Jack…are…you ok? You didn't fall in, did you?"

            "Just…*sniff* leave me alone."

            "C'mon, Jack. Mrs. Clickers is in a happier place now. You should be happy Mrs. Clickers found a place with her own kind…" Jack opened the door and walked out into the living room.

            "r-really? D-do you think I can do that too?"

            "Uh…I guess…."

            "Alright then!" Jack wiped the tears from his face.         "Mrs. Clickers gave me the courage to live on! I…think I may even love again…"

            "I think you may too…"

            "You…really think so…?"

            "I do…"

            "Oh, Brad…"

            "Jack…"

            "Okie, think we got 'er!" The locksmith pushed the door open. 

            "It's nice to finally be back home!" Bit stretched. "I wonder where Brad and Jack are…what the?!" The scene on the floor answered his question.  Brad…and Jack…and "Feel good TV" playing on the TV behind them.

            "B-brad?! Jack?!" Leena cried.

            "Uh…yo!" Jack smiled nervously as he pushed Brad off of him.

~Owari


End file.
